Tuesday, September 8, 2009

He "spoke" to me

I read the phrases in a friend's blog earlier today that really resonated with me. She wrote "What am I doing? What am I supposed to be doing? Am I really getting it?" I have asked myself those very same questions a lot lately. I went into work early today and had a calendar filled with web casts and meetings until around 11:30. I decided I would take a trip to the post office at lunch time today to get my father's birthday present in the mail. Usually the moment I get into the car I turn the radio up. For some reason I decided to turn the radio off and ride in silence. I've heard so many people say that God speaks to them when things are quiet, so I thought I would give it a try. I looked to the sky (and also kept my eyes on the road of course) and asked God, what am I doing? give me a sign? what is my purpose? why am I here? I kept expecting a voice, a vision, something to answer my questions. Instead, I arrived at the post office with no answers.

I decided to grab a bite to eat on my way back to work (Taco Bell drive thru) because by this time, the silence was driving me crazy and I thought the crunch of a taco would help! I kept reaching for the power button to turn on the radio or a CD but kept resisting the temptation because I needed answers. About a mile away from work I lowered the sun visor and my Natalie Grant; Awaken CD fell into my lap. I almost laughed out loud. You see, the title of my friend's blog entry was "Awakening." I thought "this is my sign from God." I couldn't wait to get back to work to pop the CD in and listen to it while I sorted through the chaos that would consume the rest of my day.

I need to take a brief “detour” in my story because what happened next I believe was another message from God. Shortly before arriving at work I passed a field full of clover-like greens. As I glanced over I saw a yellow butterfly in the field and my thoughts immediately turned away from my troubles and toward Lindsay and Ayden. I recalled Lindsay’s words in a recent post “Since Ayden's passing, a butterfly has been nearby me every time I've been outside. I believe God puts things like that in our lives to comfort us. I will always think of Ayden when I see a butterfly...” As soon as the memory crossed my mind I saw a group of four yellow butterflies in the field playing like children. This made me smile and I thanked God for bringing Lindsay, Jeremy, and Ayden into my life.

Now back to the first story…Once I got into work, I popped the Natalie Grant CD into my computer and to my surprise instead of playing her beautiful music, my CD drive clunked and chugged and the CD wouldn’t play. Without further action on my part Windows Media player began randomly playing songs that are stored on my computer. The first to play was Still a Dream by Nicole C. Mullin. If you know the song these words will be familiar to you: “There is still a dream to believe, there is still a hope after hope is gone, we can be the Father’s hands, give love a chance and show the world there is still a dream…” Maybe this is what I need to be doing…showing the world there is still a dream with the love I have to offer to my friends, foes, and family.

Next on the play list was Held by Natalie Grant. This is one of my favorite songs! Over the past few weeks I’ve asked myself, what else? Enough is enough. There has been death, sickness, strife, and no end in sight. Maybe I’m not “really getting it.” These things are happening for a reason and I need to place all of my trust in God and believe that He will see me (and other believers) through these turbulent times. So, maybe the words in this song were his message to me to remind me that He is there for me always.

“This is what it means to be heldHow it feels, when the sacred is torn from your lifeAnd you surviveThis is what it is to be loved and to knowThat the promise was when everything fellWe'd be held”

After listening to these songs a sense of peace overcame me that hadn’t been there in quite some time.

Maybe the events of the day are pure coincidence, but I don’t think so. I believe these were communications from my Father and I intend to stop and “listen” for his words more often. I need his guidance so that I can fulfill His plan for my life. I want to greet as many of you as possible at the gates of heaven because I somehow touched your life!


  1. Isn't it awesome when we get those God "winks"? It is very interesting that your post is very much in line with some of the thinking and conversations I've had with the hubby. Conversations about work and how the things we do day in and out....well, they really don't matter much. But the relationships and the love for others does. And the songs....I've been listening to them on the way to work this week. Oh...the butterflies...It seems like I see them everywhere and I'm reminded of sweet Ayden and how you can't take one minute for granted.

    You are such a blessing to so many and I'm glad I get to be apart of your life!

  2. "I have asked myself those very same questions a lot lately."
    I read that and thought wow.....I wonder how many people right around us are thinking the same thing?
    And wow...all the things that happened to you that day.
    Thanks for sharing.
    I love you